Snitch Cards: Diamonds

2 of Diamonds
Carson "Riot" Frost

Carson thinks he's a punk rock but really, he just a punk. "Riot" got his nickname when he teargassed a May Day protest in Montreal. He TEARGASSED babies. EMTs had to try and figure out how to treat TEARGASSED BABIES, because of this douche. That shit really happened. Look it up.

3 of Diamonds
Molly "Southpaw" Nielsen

The pride of Minneapolis. She dreamt of becoming the first lefty pitcher to bring home the gold. Until she tore her rotator cuff freshman year. She lost her athletic scholarship, enlisted in the Army and was recruited by the Black Tusk, where she used that mean curveball to lob grenades into orphanages.

4 of Diamonds
Sean "Kickback" Hemper

Some think "Kickback" got his name by selling military supplies on the black market. But really, Sean "Kickback" Hemper earned his nickname in basic training when the kickback on an M-16 knocked him on his ass.

5 of Diamonds
Elliot "Undertaker" Chan

This douche. Elliot "Undertaker" Chan made a killing selling corpses to rich families in Beijing whose sons died unmarried. He would board boats and commandeer shipping containers, smuggling women into the U.S., and anyone who was unaccompanied got accompanied to his mortuary for processing.

6 of Diamonds
Joseph "Meatball" Baker

Joseph choked on a meatball sub during his first shore leave, if you know what I mean. Don't ask, Don't tell. Cause if you ask, he will fucking murder you. Especially, if you ask in a way that homophobic.

7 of Diamonds
Andrew "Negative" Ramos

Andrew is Filipino and gets real mad if you call him Mexican. He's like, "Come on. Not all brown people are Latino." Then he shoots you in the chest. To be fair, when you're full gear and it says "Ramos" on your vest, people are gonna be accidentally racist. Still not good enough to them in the chest. I mean, intentional racism, sure. But, accidental, come on, that's a leg shot.

8 of Diamonds
Rebecca "Viper" Osborn

She is a sniper who will shake you quick as a viper. Her nickname is pretty self-explanatory. Kinda wish, she had viper positioned bullets or something, but nope, she's just a good shot, with a high kill rate.

9 of Diamonds
Elias "Husky" Mckay

Oh, "Husky". He's a little fatty. A little fatty fat-fat-fat. Who hates it when you call him fat. After basic, this little porker got addicted to ephedrine. He said it was for his asthma but we all know Elias "Husky" Mckay was using it to fit into his skinny jeans.

10 of Diamonds
Daisy

Good dog. Bad Dog. Good god, that's a huge dog. She may be an unfeeling robot. But, dammit if Daisy isn't one of the prettiest pieces of machinery mixed with puppies I've ever seen. Too bad she's evil.

Jack of Diamonds
Cameron "Sparkplug" Powell

So, this crazy motherfucker got his nickname interrogating people at a black site with sparkplugs. Guess who would hook people up to cars and use them as sparkplugs, I don't know man, the details are real sketchy, but I'm pretty sure he's been electrocuting people.

Queen of Diamonds
Bianca "Slingshot" Solano

Got her nickname in basic when dudes would hit on her and she'd slingshot them in the face with ball-bearing, until her CO took it away from her. Then she would keep rubber bands in her pocket to hit them in the face to mark the predators. I'd respect the fuck out of her if she hadn't killed so many agents.

King of Diamonds
Gabriel "Nightcap" Simmons

Best known for midnight operations. His first mission, he took out his target while they were asleep in bed, wearing a "nightcap". There's a rumor going around that he says, "nighty night" when he kills people. I don't think it's true. But if it is, what a douche?

Ace of Diamonds
Jake "Boomerang" Reilley

This motherfucker failed out of the Navy, the Marines, the Army, and the Coast Guard, but he just kept coming back. Finally, he made it past basic in the Air Force and was recruited for his ability to never let his own mediocrity stand in the way of his success.